Wednesday, 04 June 2008
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i'm a fucking cow
i'm 116. why?! i just dont understand it. why does my weight go up and down all the time? if i eat less than 6oocals a day i feel weak and i can't do anything, but if i eat more than 600 i gain weight. wtf?! people aren't supposed to gain weight from under 1000cals. they're supposed to lose weight, cuz your body burn more than that in a day. so where the fuck is the weight coming from? and i workout every day!!!!! what the hell????? i'm really really freaking out. i just don't understand it and it's too much for my brain to handle. i'm actually trying really hard to bring my intake back up, cuz i've been noticing alot of the effects of malnutrition, but i can't stand gaining this weight!!! and i don't have anyone to talk to. i have no one. i mean, i know you girls care and everything, but i need someone to actually talk to, you know? i try talking to my bf about it and he just doesn't care! which makes it so much worse. i don't know anyone else. i'm starting to get really scared, and i don't have anyone to help me. ana has totally taken over my brain. my hair is falling out and all i can think about is how i gained weight. wtf is wrong with me?
to eat or not to eat? that is the question. wether tis nobler to starve yourself to an unbeautiful beauty, or eat and work your ass off. that's a big problem too. when i eat less i don't have energy to exercise. when i eat more i exercise, and NOTHING happens. i jsut looked at a pic of my from a couple months ago and i haven't changed one buit! not one bit! i swear to the gods i'm not joking. my tummy is maybe a little flatter from all the sit-ups i do, but what about my thighs? i do 150 inner-leg-lifts every day on each side, and no change. wtf is going on?!?!?!?! why won't my body change? i'm freaking out again dammit....i gtg...i feel like i'm going to have a nervous breakdown.
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Comments (2)
hey hun thanks for the comment,very nice to wake up to.i just dont think im pretty thats all but i guess ill have to work on that.ive thought about modeling but i think id be better to do that when im at my ultimate goal.i mean i dont think they really want a fat cow in front of the camera,stay strong hun.im in the same dilemma as you.do i eat or not.lately ive been living off diet pills and water.not good but i cant stop it ive tried.
Hey hun,
I hope everything works out, if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here!
Stay Strong!